tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248056382011-07-07T22:41:05.102-04:00It's only when I lose myself, I find myself... but can I really learn to lose myself?The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.comBlogger551100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-54011528372878763712009-09-13T18:46:00.004-04:002009-09-13T19:28:39.086-04:00

I return and will try to pick up where I left off. The couple who I thought would be a fun adventure fell dull. They excuses as to why it ended but the main reason was that I couldn't let "irregardless" be a word (and NO it's not!). They went on and on about her having a Ph.D, yet she didn't get the memo of that abomination. Another "concern" was my reaction to the lovely bruises that stayed on

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-64255270923122634652007-06-16T00:26:00.000-04:002007-06-16T00:40:47.504-04:00

Hello Readers,Earlier this week, I had dinner with my first couple. The experience (of meeting them) was less stressful that I assumed. We had a very nice time and we are planning the next meeting. I hope the outcome will result as a new chapter in my s&m journey.

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-51295590745586757092007-05-13T21:59:00.000-04:002007-05-13T22:26:37.623-04:00

Dear Faithful Readers,I finally have a little down time to info you how life has been. I apologize for lack of updates but my life was pretty idle until a few weeks ago. I was given the opportunity to return to college late last month. I was elated and fearful all at once because this is my last shot at graduating. The first couple of week have been going pretty well and I am almost caught up in

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-12125360312716035042007-02-05T21:46:00.000-05:002007-02-05T21:49:19.329-05:00

Yes dear readers, today is my birthday!! I had a great time at home with my family and this was one of the best birthdays ever! :D :D

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-9407584577354603332007-01-16T01:17:00.000-05:002007-01-16T02:15:24.017-05:00

Yes, yes, I have something to talk about! I'm pretty shocked myself. I should have addressed this subject earlier but I kept fighting myself on my feelings about it. In short, switching isn't something I hold great interest. However, I may be a top to a partner if this was something they really wanted. I wouldn't take much pleasure in topping but rather from giving my Dom service. In the past I

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-60002760175386347102007-01-10T18:37:00.000-05:002007-01-10T18:43:07.473-05:00

I added a few new places under the 'Kinky Links' portion of my blog. I downloaded a couple of the segments and interviews and the topics are interesting and gets you thinking. If anyone knows other kink friendly radio shows or podcast, please email me and I will gladly promote your site on my blog.

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-15533411845069435172006-12-26T21:18:00.000-05:002006-12-26T21:27:10.099-05:00

Just giving a quick hello and letting people know I'm still around. Nothing really to report other than a high school friend is getting married in summer 2007. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, a blessed yule or fun in general.

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1156488952028945582006-08-25T02:28:00.000-04:002006-09-17T04:54:23.573-04:00

Revealing oneself is the hardest thing to do in any relationship. Yet, in a d/s relationship, honesty is everything. For the past couple of days, I've played over in my head how to reveal another part of myself to a potential dom. I wanted to wait until him and I known one another longer. However, if I am to trust this person enough to grow with, I have let him know what he is getting into. I

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1156221439105474352006-08-22T00:35:00.000-04:002006-08-22T00:38:21.160-04:00

This one comes from a slave boy in MI on collarme.com..."can i be your bitch"Apparently he didn't read my profile... That's usually my line. LOL

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1156213878479627222006-08-21T21:59:00.000-04:002006-08-21T22:31:18.620-04:00

I disassociate myself from what I feel... generalize the situations involving them. Never realized I was doing this until my current therapist made note of it during a session. Perhaps I find comfort in attempting to be oblivious to this part of myself. Maybe it's a way of self medicating when I forget or knowingly skip taking perscribed medicine. Once in a while, something overwhelming happens

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1155896416055577222006-08-18T05:46:00.000-04:002006-08-18T06:24:01.273-04:00

I know, I know, I'm just as shocked as you all are out there in bloggerland that I actually have something to post about. *le gasps*Enough with my self pity (too bad I can't just say those words and have it magically happen). Today I got a nice suprise when I logged into Yahoo Messenger. A former potential dom apparently found his way (as well as remembered my username) back and asked to be

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1155460569478120122006-08-13T05:14:00.000-04:002006-08-13T08:40:04.800-04:00

This comes from a friend who had the most interesting road trip."Shit, you know you are having fun when you don't know where your dick is."Hahahahahaha

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1154731376627884752006-08-04T18:42:00.000-04:002006-08-04T18:47:07.026-04:00

I finally decided to finish my take on exhibitionism. I provided a link to this new and old entry. Enjoy readers.Thoughs on exhibitionism

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1153167697389175682006-07-17T16:09:00.000-04:002006-07-17T17:04:11.253-04:00

In a recent conversation with the guy I mentioned in the privious entry, he asked if there was anything I like to see a man wear. My response were two things: Muscle T-Shirts and Boxer Briefs. Of course if a guy wore a thong, g-string or nothing at all, I wouldn't mind it one bit LOL! Boxer briefs gives such a nice view of the front and rear. If a dom I was with was wearing these, I would have a

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1152854527375742132006-07-14T01:00:00.000-04:002006-07-17T21:57:03.836-04:00

You know the rest! lol Well my dear readers, it's been quite a while I know. Lately I've been on the pendulum called life and death... So far, death seems to be winning. Things just aren't falling into place and well, I haven't done a great deal to any plans into action. Some may say, "Hey, how about actually TRY to get something accomplish?" I would have to reply with a "no shit sherlock"

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1151470582799369862006-06-28T00:52:00.000-04:002006-08-22T00:40:49.223-04:00

It's been a while but I wanted to give a quick hello to any surviving readers... I'm still unsure about where to place my focus with this journal. For now, I will leave you with this lovely site! Toys 4 Lust

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1148624193284314752006-05-26T02:07:00.000-04:002006-08-17T17:01:00.666-04:00

I couldn't help but post this convo... I changed names for privacy purposes Jerk [1:29 A.M.]: who is controlling you Me [1:30 A.M.]: Nooooooooooobody lol Jerk [1:30 A.M.]: you need to be Jerk [1:30 A.M.]: how old are you Me [1:30 A.M.]: 23 and you? Jerk [1:30 A.M.]: 39 Jerk [1:31 A.M.]: are you shaved Me [1:31 A.M.]: no Jerk [1:31 A.M.]: do you live alone Jerk [1:31 A.M.]: you

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1148539948589025512006-05-25T02:32:00.000-04:002006-06-04T00:33:55.373-04:00

Ever have those moments when you feel like you told someone too much? I think that is something I am a professional at lol. Last night I was speaking with a Dom and the subject of cooking and food came up... I told him I can cook but very little... Then I went into being an extremely picky eater (I've only eaten three kinds of fruits). Unless he forgot to call back, I think I may have scared him

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1147672175289686412006-05-14T23:53:00.000-04:002006-05-30T21:06:51.196-04:00

...Perhaps I should start a blog with that username... Seems more fitting. You can ask any Dom or guy I have spoken to and they will tell you that I set myself up to appear displeasing to them. In public situations, it is worst because anxiety overcomes me to a point where I don't let my best self shine. In one particular case, I met at a cafe with a potential Dom I had spoke to for a few months.

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1147061359759997012006-05-07T23:45:00.000-04:002006-08-14T07:59:14.326-04:00

Last wednesday, I touched based with people through the behavioral health system. After receiving a new prescription, I had a rather long conversation with my therapist. I would have wrote about this sooner but the session was very exhausting and I couldn't bring myself to deal with it all. One of the biggest issues that reared its ugly head was my weight... For me, this topic is more taboo than

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1146502004715458292006-05-01T12:44:00.000-04:002006-05-01T12:46:44.726-04:00

I have hit a block with finding topics to address here. If anyone has an ideas, feel free to post here or email me at myliminality@gmail.com Thanks!

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1146113933077138742006-04-27T00:44:00.000-04:002006-04-27T00:58:53.086-04:00

I realized that I am alone... a submissive without a dominant. It's like a grey epiphany, I have no structure, no punishments, no rewards, no rules, no guidence... lost. At whole, my last relationship was not good but the feeling of having nothing is far worse... My motivation is gone, I don't have a reason to do anything, even for myself. This term is ending, what will become of me? Having

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1146074529056299212006-04-26T13:52:00.000-04:002006-04-26T14:02:09.146-04:00

You know, some could call Mickey Mouse a switch. Think about it, Minnie Mouse is the dominant in their dynamic and Mickey has Pluto for a pet yet Goofy, who is also a dog as a friend... Not hard to see where the assumption comes from.Warping children's minds one cartoon character at a time.

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1145975956084922772006-04-25T10:28:00.000-04:002006-04-25T11:35:02.090-04:00

Sorry readers but this isn't about a threesome... although that wouldn't be a bad thing to write about either! lol. Today I'm talking about Doms who address submissives in third person. Honestly, I don't understand why doms decide to do this. It sounds terribly lame and it does not assert any kind of control. Personally, I am put off by doms who present themselves to me in this manner. If my

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1145975281139425512006-04-25T10:07:00.000-04:002006-04-25T14:07:39.510-04:00

Thanks to SS for suggesting this topic. Since leaving Master, I have been comtemplating on the type of dominant I would like. This is a challenge but it's something I must do to better understand myself and help me grow as a submissive. The list is currently of wants since I am still not sure what I really need from a dom. Any suggestions on this list is welcome.My Idea Dom...* Is loving, caring,

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1145514311968153852006-04-20T02:19:00.000-04:002006-04-20T02:25:11.983-04:00

I came across this poem in my book and I suddenly couldn't help but read it over a few times. This poem embodies what I need at the core of any relationship that I embark... unconditional love.Sonnet XIVElizabeth BrowningIf thou must love me, let it be for noughtExcept for love's sake only. Do not say'I love her for her smile--her look--her wayOf speaking gently,--for a trick of thoughtThat falls

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1145437248864108702006-04-19T04:21:00.000-04:002006-04-19T05:00:49.000-04:00

The last two weeks of a term are the most annoying. All of these last minute assignments, another week studying and honing your skills at the art of bullshitting to pass the exams. I haven't received more than 2-4 hours of sleep for almost the entire month. I really would like to be on the train to sleepyland but I must start and finish this paper before I have to get ready and attend today's

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1145225575217724952006-04-16T17:45:00.000-04:002006-04-16T21:39:59.970-04:00

Happy Easter! It's funny how some say there is somebody for everyone. That just because you had one or a few bad experiences, you shouldn't stop trying. For some, this may hold to be true but if you are like me, the whole notion is complete bullshit. My last relationship was as close as I came to finding love but in the end, I was left with the fool's gold. My other relationships were train

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144966286466966872006-04-13T17:12:00.000-04:002006-04-13T18:11:26.896-04:00

On Tuesday, after trying to help Master see the problems in the relationship, I realized I wasn't getting through. I told him that I had to walk away from this because I wasn't getting anywhere. He told me it wasn't my choice to make but I said it was and then I said good bye. He told me if I needed him, call him... yet I am not sure if I will. All he could say was that he tried his best to do

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144816593035365542006-04-12T00:33:00.000-04:002006-04-16T20:08:21.126-04:00

6 and 9 (LOL)! I'm sending many birthday wishes to one of my newest friends, The Natural Dominant! I would like to take this time to say thank you for letting me into the way you see the lifestyle and I hope you get your wish plus much more *wink wink* Puddles will sure have her hands and other parts of her body full tonight! LOL. Happy Birthday you wicked but delicious man!

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144741485462754562006-04-11T03:16:00.000-04:002006-04-11T14:07:11.626-04:00

Either I need to pay a visit to my psychiatrist to renew my perscription of trazodone or I need to come to a decision about my current relationship. Last week I have been cyring on and off over this and the decision still isn't clear to me. I still attend classes but it's like I'm on automatic pilot because I rarely take notes and my attention wanes. When I come home, I find myself putting off

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144714876918077412006-04-10T20:19:00.000-04:002006-08-04T16:55:01.206-04:00

Special Thanks to SS and her dom for giving me the inspiration to finish this post. ;) I wrote about my first thoughts about the subject on July 23, 2003. In this case my thoughts are on the fetish soley. Although I have never had sex (unless you count car sex) out in public or outdoors. A few times however, I masturbated in a car while at the grocery stores, or waiting for someone to come out of

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144661989246814482006-04-10T05:06:00.000-04:002006-04-10T05:39:52.420-04:00

This stems back from an entry (on a different journal) I wrote on August 8, 2003. The entry is about how I first learned about BDSM. Although the inccident itself predates my entry, the events were fresh enough in my mind to recall. A few months back, I was approached by my first (fake) dom. His name was George, he was 49 and married. He IMed me while I was working on one of sites. At this time,

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144631919284838802006-04-09T21:14:00.000-04:002006-04-09T21:18:39.400-04:00

This is a story I wrote to Master. I have yet to read back through it and develop it. Any comments are welcome. ThanksI sit quietly looking through the window of our bedroom watching the morning come into view. The feel of the floral silk kimono style robe wraps my body in sweet bliss like a flower's pollen captures a bee. My mid length hair gather to the right rest peacefully on my shoulder. I

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144602034757848412006-04-09T12:47:00.000-04:002006-04-09T13:00:34.776-04:00

Today is my friend and mentor's birthday! I hope he and his sub are going to spend a lovely day and evening together. Thank You for helping through the break up with my first dom and giving me my first taste of wax play among other things. I wish you many happy returns and you get everything you hoped for on your special day....And here's my moment of zen. This is one of my favorite singers and I

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144538388552566622006-04-08T18:57:00.000-04:002006-04-08T19:19:48.656-04:00

Another segment where I blow off some school work to share a conversation with the demons in my head. It's funny, everytime I read about others, I ultimately want to shoot myself (if only I knew where my father hid his gun). I guess when others are happy, a part of me realizes that is something I cannot achieve. Sure I can lie to myself and believe all the wonderful fantasies I created in my mind

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144434172807959412006-04-07T14:01:00.000-04:002006-04-07T16:41:54.410-04:00

Last night, Master and I had a small conversation. He finally understood why I felt so hurt that week when he didn't call. He still believes he made it clear that he was going to do that but that was only the first time when he went two days without calling instead of a week. He said that it seems like we can't communicate and don't give each other peace. I said that yes it does seem that way but

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144384508098643512006-04-06T23:57:00.000-04:002006-04-07T00:58:28.913-04:00

Well, well, well, I guess I had to make this post at some point. I will divide the list into three sections: Things I have done, Things I am curious about and things that I am not sure about. The more experience I have, the list will change. Enjoy!Things I Have Done:Age play Anal sexBathroom use control Blindfolds Caning Clothespins Following orders Gags (cloth)

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144313580489163132006-04-06T04:00:00.000-04:002006-04-06T18:01:06.030-04:00

If you have been a faithful reader, at some point you wonder what the hell is she unsure about? Well, I'll answer that for you all now. The Unsure Sub is not really about not being sure if I am a submissive (although the way my relationships have worked out sometimes make me feel doubtful but if I haven't abandoned this belief yet, then I highly doubt there is much argument of not being a

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144305917060475922006-04-06T02:43:00.000-04:002006-04-06T03:15:03.243-04:00

ExpertYou scored 75% Kinkiness! You've done all of the positions in most of the books, you've found out about safe-words and understood what I was talking about with the whole safe-sane-consentual. You've probably discovered at least the BDSM sites online, maybe even local groups and have been learning all about your favorite fetish. You enact those fantasies which aren't too taboo and play out

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144230828008724662006-04-05T05:36:00.000-04:002006-04-05T06:01:44.136-04:00

Tuesday in a psychology course I am taking, the class took a self assessment test to measure our stress levels. It was 10 quick questions related to how you handle various types of stress. This same test was done with a number of people for Newsweek and the average levels of stress are divided by age and marital status. Depending on the sum you got from adding the numbers, the higher the number,

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144213383466986222006-04-05T00:25:00.000-04:002006-04-05T01:04:58.990-04:00

I am betwix and between whether to stick with a relationship that is difficult but steady or throw it all away for something may be laden with pipe dreams and wishful thinking. Can I be the Nora that is dressed in that vivid lavish costume looking very pretty on the surface yet scared? Or can I be the Nora, dressed in black believing the world is her oyster but lacking the necessary tools to

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144136951779046332006-04-04T03:47:00.000-04:002006-04-04T18:41:18.080-04:00

Today I decided to give Master a call since he seemed willing to talk about the matter. At around midnight my time, he returned my call and ask how I was doing with my studies. He said his values has not changed and refuses to allow me to waste away. I said okay but there are other matters we need to discuss. I brought up the fact that he went a week without contacting me. Master simply said he

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144122519077228012006-04-03T23:18:00.000-04:002006-04-03T23:48:39.133-04:00

Wow, time flies when you can't think of a damn thing to write about yourself and put it into a fixed form of poetry. So much for a fantastic piece for workshop tomorrow. Since I am taking my sweet ass time, I might as well tell my readers about my physical features.*I'm 5'3" (Yes, I'm short, I know :P)*I have Hazel Eyes*I have a voluptuous frame (more meat on my bones than a curvy woman)*My

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144115948867917472006-04-03T21:57:00.000-04:002006-04-03T22:05:41.616-04:00

Just another reason why it doesn't pay to be the broke college student.Toga! Toga!

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144053855005501422006-04-03T04:21:00.000-04:002006-04-03T23:50:31.000-04:00

I became inspired by SpiralSubmissive's post on the subject of Blushing. Before current problems with Master, there would rarely be a time where I didn't blush or freeze up because of something he said or what he has asked me to do. Even asking for permission to masturbate causes me to blush right up and close my eyes tight. The fear of having to admit your deepest desires and thoughts is just

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1144012344945622672006-04-02T15:52:00.000-04:002006-04-02T22:00:09.283-04:00

Sometimes this can be tricky for me because there are some things that I definitely cross out on my book pleasure but there are a few things I may put as limits because I am not sure if I would really do it or not. Some may argue that if I don't have an absolute stand on a form on something, then I shouldn't give them the classification of limit. However, it's a safety net to place things one is

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143972076591382802006-04-02T05:43:00.000-04:002006-04-02T06:02:09.866-04:00

I decided to post it here to give people an idea of how my first time meeting other like minded people felt. These entries are quoted because I wrote about them the day of or after the events happened.My First Munch (09/20/03):"It was not bad at all and I realized that most people were just as nervous as I was being there. I just wished most people would have not been so nervous to the point

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143971013769346242006-04-02T04:48:00.000-04:002006-04-16T20:11:50.633-04:00

For me this state of consciousness is not hard to come by. If I tune out the outside world, set the mood by blindfolding and handcuffing (I can get myself out of them with out the key) myself, I can slip into semi subspace. I call it semi because I am still conscious enough to talk myself down from subspace. I imagine being in a session with a dom and focus solely on his words. Sometimes I might

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143883853230041182006-04-01T04:25:00.000-05:002006-04-01T04:34:54.616-05:00

I wonder if Nine Inch Nails was inspired by the following sonnet:The FleaBy John DonneMark but this flea, and mark in this,How little that which thou deniest me is;It suck'd me first, and now sucks thee,And in this flea our two bloods mingled be.Thou know'st that this cannot be saidA sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead;Yet this enjoys before it woo,And pamper'd swells with one blood made of

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143880122198044132006-03-31T23:24:00.000-05:002006-04-01T04:34:15.643-05:00

From skimming (not in a "creepy" way) through other journals, I have a pretty dull sex life. I could probably count the number of men I've been with on one hand *laughs pathetically*. Sometime next month, I will be celebrating four insane years of celibacy. To an extent it's not by choice since my first dom and I never had sex in our relationship and my current dom is pretty far away (I'm only

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143827125054428532006-03-31T12:23:00.000-05:002006-03-31T12:45:25.093-05:00

After a week, Master calls me and leaves a message. I let the phone ring because I felt if he was really trying to get to me, he could have used other forms of communication rather than let me worry myself half to death for an entire week. Instead, I decided to let him wait an entire week too before we make an attempt at speaking. If actions speak louder than words, I hope he will get the message

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143692326013924152006-03-29T23:09:00.000-05:002006-04-02T06:04:32.370-04:00

Although it's almost been a week since I last had contact with Master, I want to try to reflect on the good memories. Master and I have known each other since later september or early october 2004. At first neither one of us was interested because he lives in another state and he felt I was too young and rebellious for him. We exchange pictures and decided that maybe we should see where things go

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143593961023770702006-03-28T17:30:00.000-05:002006-03-28T19:59:21.053-05:00

I am starting to feel a heaviness in my chest... I pray that I won't have a panic attack today because I have some class work to do and I fear it may be too much to handle by myself. I wish things between Master and I was better, I really do because I need him so much and at the same time, he is the reason I am going through this pain. I wish he would just call, send an email or at least a letter

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24805638.post-1143582689002729612006-03-28T16:19:00.000-05:002006-03-28T22:15:34.566-05:00

As of recent, I don't know what is going on with Master. He hasn't called me back since around Thursday or Friday, I haven't received an email or letter by snail mail, and I don't get an answer when I call his house. His cell phone is currently cutoff and I just wish he would stop being like this. If I express how I feel, he gets mad and then decides not to talk to me. I just feel abandoned and

The Unsure Subhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15470472243370534542noreply@blogger.com0