After a Long Sleep...

I return and will try to pick up where I left off. The couple who I thought would be a fun adventure fell dull. They excuses as to why it ended but the main reason was that I couldn't let "irregardless" be a word (and NO it's not!). They went on and on about her having a Ph.D, yet she didn't get the memo of that abomination. Another "concern" was my reaction to the lovely bruises that stayed on my breasts for over a week. I never knew I could cause a stir by being worried if they were healing slowly. After a while I took up with a nice fellow that was more into rough sex then BDSM. Like a childhood toy it was "fun" for a while but not what I was truly seeking. He still talks to me when I forget to shut off my messenger. During that time I found a guy who really made the world seem right. He was my everything and every moment we shared was magical. Until recently when He told me He loved someone else and that our love was confined to a game. I've spent the last two weeks nursing that wound and have yet to feel good again. I'm tired of things never working out the way I want them to. How can I believe in love when it doesn't believe in me? I get sick of crying over men who don't deserve a tear. Where is my Love? my Dom or Master in shining armor?

Possibility

Hello Readers,

Earlier this week, I had dinner with my first couple. The experience (of meeting them) was less stressful that I assumed. We had a very nice time and we are planning the next meeting. I hope the outcome will result as a new chapter in my s&m journey.

New Destinations

Dear Faithful Readers,

I finally have a little down time to info you how life has been. I apologize for lack of updates but my life was pretty idle until a few weeks ago. I was given the opportunity to return to college late last month. I was elated and fearful all at once because this is my last shot at graduating. The first couple of week have been going pretty well and I am almost caught up in my readings (One of the books I need for a course isn't available at any of the campus bookstores). Socially, it has been a tough and lonely road to travel. Before the term started, I realized that this was the first time returning to college since my sister moved away. The memories took over and I couldn't help but cry; Hugging my picture while saying I missed her. At college, there is not a familiar face here. I looked up a few names of my friends, seeing that they either graduated or moved on to something else. Despite a few crying spells, I continue to put aside my personal feelings and stick to working hard.

As far as the lifestyle, I rejoined a local TNG group, hoping to make some of their monthly meetings. Though I have put myself off the market because I had too much going on in real life, I made a few exceptions. There is a couple I have been speaking with since late January. Recently I accepted an invitation to go to lunch or dinner with the dom. We are still working out a time and place to meet. Another man who I have spoke with on and off for three years is looking to meet me soon also. We set up a day to meet but due an emergency on his part, that never happened. If I can find a job, I want to attend parties and meet new people. I hope my readers are doing well and their relationship have survived the many trials of life.

Happy Birthday!

Yes dear readers, today is my birthday!! I had a great time at home with my family and this was one of the best birthdays ever! :D :D

Switching and Soapboxing

Yes, yes, I have something to talk about! I'm pretty shocked myself. I should have addressed this subject earlier but I kept fighting myself on my feelings about it. In short, switching isn't something I hold great interest. However, I may be a top to a partner if this was something they really wanted. I wouldn't take much pleasure in topping but rather from giving my Dom service. In the past I completely shunned switching because of the stigma attached with my size and nationality.

In the few years I've been on this 'kinky journey', people, mainly caucasians have assumed I'm a domme. To an extent, I think this is one reason why there aren't many African Americans in the lifestyle. Could be a reason why there isn't many 'pronounced' African American submissives because of the terrible stereotypes people take from mainstream media.

I wouldn't want to switch to a person to fulfill some racial based fantasy. I rather not perpetuate the stereotype of the 'big black woman whose gonna comes claim someone as her white bitch'. Granted, some Dommes are like that but it should be seen as more of their 'persona' not assumption it's a part of their culture.

Again, people draw from main media thinking ninety percent of the women who sub or bottom must be thin or have a 'pin up' girl figure. Even I have assumed that when I view a Dom/me's site or gallery, seeing only slender women. The interesting thing about being somewhat active in the scene (meaning attend social events, play parties, munches) is getting a more 'realistic' view of kinky people. Not every dom/me has tons of money and not every sub or slave is every so kind, graceful and humble.

Though I understand that for certain reason cannot be very active in the scene. Be it for professional, personal or otherwise, yet if you have the means, I advise attending a few events to see how those who practice kinky really live. I also suggest attending kink events different from your nationality. In the few that I know, none of the organization turn away people who are of a different nationality. The last thing the kink community needs (but has a lot of) is discrimination and everyone can do their part by opening their minds.

Links Update

I added a few new places under the 'Kinky Links' portion of my blog. I downloaded a couple of the segments and interviews and the topics are interesting and gets you thinking. If anyone knows other kink friendly radio shows or podcast, please email me and I will gladly promote your site on my blog.

Losing Hope...

Just giving a quick hello and letting people know I'm still around. Nothing really to report other than a high school friend is getting married in summer 2007. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, a blessed yule or fun in general.